Beware; the Gunny

From a friend - by the prolific author Anonymous:

Beware; the Gunny

PUT ON YOUR WARFACES...

Amen and pass the ammunition!

Ahh, the ominous Gunny. Gunnery Sergeants, according to LtGen George
Christmas (Ret.) are revered throughout the Corps especially by General
Officers. During Staff Sergeant Peto's (tweet) promotion ceremony at
MALS-11 Miramar, the General said, "Gunnys do one thing and only one
thing for the Marine Corps. They make shit happen".

Subject: Beware; the Gunny

Best rank in the Marine Corps.

The Gunny doesn't sleep with a night light. The Gunny isn't afraid of
the dark. The dark is afraid of the Gunny.

The Gunny's tears can cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.

The Gunny once visited The Virgin Islands. They are now called The
Islands.

The Gunny once counted to infinity . . . twice!

The Gunny frequently donates blood to the Red Cross, just never his own.

Superman owns a pair of Gunny pajamas.

The Gunny has never paid taxes. He just sends in a blank form and
includes a picture of himself.

If the Gunny is late, then time had damn well better slow down.

The Gunny has the greatest Poker Face ever. He once won the 1982 World
Series of Poker despite the fact that he held only a Joker, a 2 of
clubs, a
7 of spades, a Monopoly Get-Out-Of-Jail card, and a green number 4 UNO
card.

The Gunny once sold his soul to the devil in exchange for his rugged
good looks and unparalleled strength. He then beat up the devil and took
back his soul. The devil who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second
Wednesday of the month.

When the Gunny was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an
essay:
"What is courage?" The Gunny received an A+ for turning in a blank page
with only his name at the top.

The Gunny actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up
the courage to tell him.

The Gunny once ate three 72-oz steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45
minutes having sex with the waitress.

The Gunny clogs the toilet even when he pisses.

The Gunny refers to himself in the fourth person.

The Gunny can divide by zero.

If the Gunny ever calls your house, be in! The Gunny doesn't leave
messages; he leaves warnings.

The Gunny is one-eighth Cherokee. This has nothing to do with his
ancestry.
The man once ate an Indian.

The Gunny can slam a revolving door.

The Gunny was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would
be faster to run.

One time in an airport a guy accidentally called the Gunny "buddy." He
explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. The Gunny
accepted his apology and politely shook hands. Nine months later the
guy's wife gave birth to a baby with a birthmark that looked like five
stripes and crossed rifles. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and
blames nobody but himself.

When the Incredible Hulk gets angry, he transforms into the Gunny.

When the Gunny exercises, the machine gets stronger.

The Gunny once played Jenga. The result was the Empire State Building.

Bullets dodge the Gunny.

The Gunny once took an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him
blink . . . once.

The first lunar eclipse took place after the Gunny challenged the sun to
a staring contest. The sun blinked first.

The Gunny never used a question mark in his entire life. He believes
that the interrogative tense is a sign of weakness.

"Leaders are like Eagles, they don't flock; you find them one at a
time."